DVD Release: March 8, 2016
Review by Travis North
After plowing through the lucky 13th entry of plowing, it is time to tackle the next entry. Anyone reading this knows what to expect by now, so like the impatient raincoat crowd I’ll get right to the fucking:
- Starts with a couple playing ping-pong, which seems like a promising start. They get into an argument about the score, which is just an excuse for some make-up mashing. While he puts his personal paddle handle to good use, I was disappointed that the ping-pong balls never got used.
- A red head with big floppy can-cakes gives a decent titjob.
- A black guy wearing a chef’s hat introduces a whipped cream pie into the mix. This is a very special cream pie though, since he bricks in her mouth and makes her baby bird his frosting onto the pie. Then she grabs a fork and “bone”-appetite! He’s still good for round two and does an old fashioned internal cream pie, just to drive the point home what the theme of this short was.
- Some tub time for a honey couple. She makes sure to tongue bath his asshole like a house cat awkwardly does when company is over.
- A cowboy and girl fool around. He invokes some sort of magic spell, which turns him into an Indian. He finished by covering her from bellybutton to chin with his own Trail of Tears.
- FFM threesome, including the classic French maid outfit. When he comes fairly quickly, you’d think the scene is over. Nope, he has something special in store, he goes for the back door. This is only moderately successful, so he ends up going ATPTM.
- A cheating couple gets caught by the wife who is then forced to participate. This is only notable for a massively hairy cunt. To be more accurate, this snatchsquatch goes from asshole, up the thighs, and only gives ground as it approaches the navel. I think this is what people imagine in their head when they talk about the hairy 70s, not just a nice healthy bush which was the norm.
- The next clip starts with a close up of the cover of Porno Star, by Tina Russell. I’ll assume she is part of the FFM threesome, with the male being a dirty hippie photographer that is a cross between Jesus and Will Forte from The Last Man on Earth. So it is quite inadvertently funny.
- A black guy is walking down the street eating a banana. That’s enough of a turn on to get two women to come back to his place. Banana time continues as more get crammed in holes and eventually eaten. He seems to be enjoying himself, so I will go with this not being racist. His dick definitely doesn’t put up with any va-jive-a.
- A couple casually plays cards while Paul Newman and Robert Redford look on from a The Sting poster on the wall. The camera pans back to reveal a hogtied dirty pig on the floor. This never gets rough though, so wasted potential.
- Two woman fool around with a ridiculously oversized arty dildo. It’s so awkward it gets tossed quickly for some standard oyster shucking.
- Another lesbian scene that just abruptly ends.
- A FFF threesome. They line up and go lip-to-lips in a decent Human Lezipede.
- Another FFF threesome.
- The finale is a standard lesbian scene, which at least has them double ended dildoing each other.
Overall a somewhat forgettable entry in this series. Let alone not having any surprise out of left field moments, there wasn’t much to differentiate this at all from the other collections of loops. But if you wanted to watch people screw, you are covered.
There are also liner notes from Dimitrios Otis, self proclaimed “Porn Archaeologist”, on the evolution of hardcore shorts. I can’t believe I’m going to be a dick about this, but there was plenty of fucking on film before the San Francisco late 60s early 70s era. I suggest Otis does a bit more archaeological digging into his porn research. These days you can quickly find online silent schtupping from all the way back to 1915. No time for love, Dr. Bones!
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