Studio: Cult Epics
Blu Ray Release: September 13, 2016
Director: Irving Klaw
Review by Travis North
I’ve never understood the cult of Bettie Page. My knowledge of her only extends to barely attractive women or lesbians who decide their best option in life is to copy Page’s look and run with it. So when this disc came in I groaned at the prospect of trudging through uninteresting shit. Looking for a silver lining maybe this would enlighten me on what the appeal is, and why I should fucking care. Nope. The only bright side here is that this just scrapes a scant 60 minutes of material.
The main feature is just a collection of 8mm black and white shorts, also known as loops. I’ve reviewed quite a few of these already, so you may be aware that these are mostly plot less and only exist for titillation. Unfortunately, there is almost no tit on display here, just some quick nips in one of the bonus loops. So I have no clue who would get the urge to crank down with this playing. Even if I had a vagina, I can’t imagine making any roast beef au jus to this. While the picture is allegedly improved from previous releases, this still looks pretty bad. I will not ding it too much for that, but I will shit on the content. A clothed woman poorly dancing and jiggling around in someone’s living room is mind numbingly dull. I’ve been to wedding receptions with less awkward drunk aunt chicken dancing. These should have been instantly forgotten and gone to great film library in the sky. There is nothing infamous or of note here. Bettie should have taken a page (yup, I did it, fuck you) from Linda Lovelace and at least blown a German Shepherd; do something, anything!! If that isn’t bad enough, there is some awful faux 50s rockabilly crap music that plays and repeats for a soundtrack. This was interminable to watch.
There is one redeeming feature here, and that is a stills gallery. These look much better, and since they are all bondage heavy at least give a window into some harder edged smut. It’s no Max Hardcore, but at least it’s modestly memorable. To stretch out the running time, you get a painfully awkward talk and presentation by Page’s nephew. If you’ve ever been to a grade Z celebrity Q&A, and if you are on this page I assume you have, you get the best cringe-worthy favorites here. Ricky Gervais is probably shopping a series of this to Netflix right now. The final extra is quick liner notes, which provide the only basis for any context or information about Page. After reading it, I still have no goddamn clue why anyone gives a shit about her.
Unless you are already part of the cult, my advice to you for this disc is the same as if I saw an unstable Page look-a-like approach …..RUN FAR AWAY!
Blu Ray Rating: