Action, Horror, War

In the Land of the Cannibals (2004)

Comments Off on In the Land of the Cannibals (2004) 24 March 2015

IN-THE-LAND-OF-THE-CANNIBALS

Studio: Intervision Picture Corp

International Release: May 20, 2004

DVD Release: November 11, 2014

Director: Bruno Mattei

Not Rated

Review by James Klein

“Well, it’s official…WE ARE ALL FUCKED!”

As the only highlight of this dreadful piece of crap was this hilarious line of dialog blurted out for no reason, I couldn’t help but realize how true that really was. Whoever had the chance (or misfortune) of seeing In the Land of the Cannibals is pretty much fucked indeed.

Directed by Bruno Mattei, under the pseudonym Martin Miller, has given audiences bad movies over the years. Sure, Hell of the Living Dead and Rats are not great cinematic masterpieces but they are fun and do provide the viewer a good time. But like most filmmakers, once video started to become the norm and the dark ages of exploitation came about (aka the 1990’s) the films became cheaper, lazier, and tamer. That is exactly what happened here as this cannibal/action film is nothing more than recreating scenes from Cannibal Holocaust and Predator, right down to lifting lines of dialog.

In the Land of the Cannibals

A group of tough commandos are chosen for their newest mission as a general’s daughter has been kidnapped by a cannibal tribe. The commandos arrive by helicopter and when they find remains of other human’s skinned and hanging from trees, they know that they may have their hands full. The commando leader Romero (Claudio Morales) is a cross between the professor from Cannibal Holocaust and Arnold Schwarzenegger’s character from Predator. Armed to the teeth with weaponry, he speaks with a stuffy British accent while a pipe hangs from his mouth (yes, this Italian film is dubbed and done very poorly).

Land of the cannibals

After witnessing the cannibal tribe mutilate a woman (taken directly from Cannibal Holocaust but cuts away during the violence just to see our protagonists faces react in horror) the commandos decide to take matters into their own hands, knocking off various Filipino extras posing as blood thirsty cannibals.

the land of the cannibals

When rescuing the daughter, the commandos are soon killed off one by one by these now invisible cannibals who pop up from nowhere from time to time, dispatching these supposed experts one at a time. Each character is killed in a similar way from either Cannibal Holocaust or Predator, take your pick.

The Italians are not always known for their originality in films but they can usually cover it up with either their visual style (Mario Bava / Dario Argento) or with graphic kills and sex (Lucio Fulci / Michele Soavi). Bruno Mattei however has no time for scripts, has no patience for original ideas or thoughts, he likes to just take someone else’s film and copy it. Word for word, shot for shot.

tough chicks are stupid

Cannibal Holocaust – main character is a professor and smokes a pipe, he takes his clothes off to swim with the natives, witnesses a woman’s death via vaginal mutilation, finds remains of other travelers. Oh and the film has various bits of stock footage of the Amazon jungle.

Predator – commandos with different personalities on a mission traveling via chopper, they find dead soldiers skinned alive, they see an innocent person killed and take action, they take a woman hostage, one soldier has a scorpion on his back while the other tells him to turn around so he can stab it with a knife, they all fall off a waterfall, and Carl Weathers gets his arm blown off, falling to the ground in slow motion.

In the Land of the Cannibals – EVERYTHING I mentioned above as well as trying to be shot for shot, even reusing dialog (although Shane Black’s pussy joke was not added) from both films.  The only difference here is that the acting is bad, the gore and nudity is minimal, and the film drags ever so slowly just so it can cram in its mandatory 90 minute running time. If Mattei had just amp-ted up the gore and sex, the film could have been tolerable or at least amusing at times. Maybe it was his severely low budget that caused him to cut back on the goods. Regardless, his film stinks worse than a McDonald’s restroom and is about as enjoyable as pulling a skin tag off your privates.

the land of the cannibals

The DVD looks fine but even the video presentation seems a bit cheap and pixelated / blury, like it was made in 1994 and not 2004. The sound also works fine but don’t expect gun shots to come from all sides of your speakers. This is front channel only. The DVD has no special features aside from a trailer. Normally I would have panned this presentation had it been a better movie but I honestly didn’t care how it looked or sounded after awhile. I just wanted it to end.

Predator rip off

Do yourself a favor: just watch Cannibal Holocaust and Predator and skip this Italian atrocity. Intervision’s cover art is the best thing about this turd.

Movie Rating: ★☆☆☆☆

DVD Rating: ★★☆☆☆

 

 

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